to the friend who took me for granted

I’d like to think that I am a somewhat good friend – I listened to you talk about your boy problems for hours, I asked you if you’re genuinely okay, I would go to your events that you are apart of. I tried to make an effort in the friendship in hopes that you would do the same.

You didn’t.

I remember last year around Christmas time where I painted you a picture of lyrics from Bastille. I painted those lyrics because of the time in math class where we found his EP and immediately wanted it, no questions asked. I painted you those lyrics because it meant something to our friendship, well at least I thought so. I gave it to you excitedly, hoping you would appreciate it.

But of course your day at work was just so terrible that you couldn’t even smile, and I guess I understood that. It didn’t help that your boyfriend was depressed and needed all of your attention that night, even though he wasn’t invited.

I hoped that as soon as you went home you’d find adhesives and hang it up on the wall, just like you did with the poster I gave you a year earlier. I knew that our friendship had changed dramatically, but I had hoped that you would cherish the painting that meant a lot to me.

You never hung it up. In fact, until you moved to college, my painting sat underneath piles of clothes on your floor. Every time I would come over, I would stare at the painting and wonder why I even bothered. Of course, the times I stayed the night was because you needed desperate attention because your life was so terrible.

For months I held on to the memories of our budding best-friendship from a year earlier. I remembered all of the laughter and snow days together. I thought about you being there for me when I had problems with my mom. I held on to that for the hope that you would come back and be my best friend, especially when I had no one.

But why did I keep holding on to someone who constantly tore me down?

My answer is that I don’t know. Fear of loneliness? Maybe. Or maybe it was because I couldn’t escape you. You were everywhere. You were in my classes, extracurricular activities, and on my walls at home. You had engraved yourself in my brain and refused to leave.

I was in denial that our friendship was quickly coming to an end, but time heals all wounds. I realized that you turned into a completely different person and that us being “us” just wasn’t healthy anymore.

I am thankful for the good memories we shared together…but I will tell you this.

You did not deserve my dedication and friendship. I made sure that I was always available for you when you had problems. I took time out of my day to make sure you were emotionally healthy. Did you do that for me? Maybe in the beginning, but definitely not when I needed you most.

When it came to us, you were selfish. All you cared about was your feelings and not mine. You thought you weren’t doing anything wrong, and then used exaggerations for attention when you saw that people started realizing who you actually were.

And most importantly, when you got bored of me, you went and found someone else – which is entirely not okay. I get it, you guys may be more alike, and she is a good person, believe me…but you didn’t think about my feelings or how I would react. You left me in an instant, no looking back.

You abandoning me made me stronger and a better person. I had learned how to be a friend when you refused to be mine. No longer do I miss our friendship because I see the truth about it now… and I have found better friends who treat me way better than you ever would.

Finally, I learned how to be happy without you in my life.

Losing a friend is hard, and losing yourself because of a friend is even harder. So here’s to our friendship.

I’m glad it’s over.